It’s pronounced “life support” [laɪf səˈpôrt]
At the recent Farrago awards night, I was greatly disappointed to find there was no “most awkwardly titled sports column” category. Surely that hypothetical award was mine for the taking.
It’s pronounced “life support” [laɪf səˈpôrt], by the way. I apologise if you’ve been trying to make sense of the awkward apostrophe all year. What can I say – it sounded like a good idea at the time.
Phonetics aside, I would like to thank everybody who read (and enjoyed) my sports column this year. I would also like to thank the Farrago editorial team for accepting my pitch, and editing out my typos. At risk of leaving one of you out, I will refrain from naming names. But you know who you are.
Scroll down below to read all eight articles, all over again.
To sign off on the year that has been, here’s a recap of how I pitched Life S’port to the 2012 editors:
Remember the guy who was always picked last in P.E. class? Well, that was me. In hindsight, I should have taken the hint then and given up on my dreams. Instead I’m a naive 20-year old, too deluded to realise his ambitions of playing cricket for Australia are long gone.
To sabotage a famous idiom, those who can’t do, write. And that’s exactly where I fit in; while I might not be wearing the baggy green in the distant future, I pride myself in my ability to write insightful commentary and witty observations on topics such as sport.
When not watching, playing or writing about sport, I work at a football stadium. And when I’m not working, I follow the newspaper’s coverage on Australian politics. So, in other words, sport has a monopoly on my life.
In 200 words or less, pitch us your column idea.
A clumsy woman once told me that “life is a metaphor for sport.” It was a faux-pas to the nth degree, yet I found unlikely inspiration from her lexical car crash.
Sport is the closest thing humankind has to a parallel universe. It may disguise itself as a harmless celebrity generator, but it’s really a violent version of politics; a corrupt adaptation of commerce; and a perverse brand of religion. It bridges cultural boundaries far better than any peace treaty, yet divides loved ones far quicker than any county court.
My column will explore this alternate reality. It will search for the paper-thin line between gallantry and stupidity, ponder the validity of match-fixing in a capitalistic entertainment industry, and cross-examine the fieriest sport of them all, Question Time.
My column will ask the questions sports fans didn’t think of asking and provide the answers Arts students didn’t realise they were after. It will follow in a similar style to Standing Up For The Short Guy, mixing subtle humour in with learned insights.
To read my pitch for Standing Up For The Short Guy (2011), click here.
Feel inspired? Apply for a 2013 sub-editor or columnist position here.
Click on a coverbelow to read my corresponding article: