25 fundamental things wrong with those stupid ’25 things’ notes

Guidelines:
Pfft…

1. Firstly, whose wise decision was it for this list to be 25 items long? Twenty-five is one hell of a list, especially when you consider that each item is roughly a paragraph long. As I write this rebuttal, I’m struggling to think of 25 flaws for my list. Let’s see how I go.

2. Not only does a 25-item list mean that the last 10 things are more than likely going to be superfluous, but it also means that reading the note takes time. As a 17-year old drummer, I probably have the lowest level of concentration of all subgroups of the human race. Hence, by the time I get to the fifth item of someone’s list – regardless of how interesting it is – I would have fallen asleep. Likewise, as I write this you are probably thinking “Gosh, do I have to read Kevin’s complaints for another 23 points?” and will probably close this blog and comment on someone’s status which reads ‘John is tired’.

3. The most irritating thing about ‘the 25’ is that it is defacing the credibility of Facebook. My initial decision to move from MySpace to Facebook was based upon Facebook being the more mature communication medium of the two. But boy was I wrong. ‘The 25’ is the 2009 version of the ‘MySpace quiz’ which in itself was the 2008 version of the classic email forward. And there is nothing worse than an email forward. ‘Send this to 20 people in the next ten minutes or you will die’ – you know the sort.

4. Not only is ‘the 25’ damaging from an internet perspective, but it has the potential to damage one’s social life. On average, about 25 moderately cool things happen to someone in a year. By revealing them all in a Facebook blog, one is essentially sacrificing a year’s worth of conversation starters.

5. In order to get this list to 25, I will elaborate on the previous point here. Imagine you are talking with a few mates at uni/school/work/party and you happen to bring up a topic that you had previously mentioned on your ’25 list’. Before you get the chance to elaborate on your brilliant story, someone will butt in and say “Ohh, I’ve already this one”. Conversation dead.

6. The sad thing about this is that your story could be really really cool and your acquaintance (not friend, coz on Facebook you don’t need to be a friend to be a ‘friend’) only read the brief version, not the complete and exciting tale. Hence, by reducing your cool story to a concise point in your ’25 list’, you have sacrificed the opportunity to excite a group of mates with your otherwise fascinating fable.

7. This might just be me, but if I read a blog I will forget its main contention five minutes later. However, if I talk to someone I will most likely recall the conversation quite vividly. Hence, cramming your life story into one of these ’25 lists’ leaves you with a paltry 5 minutes of fame. The acquaintance who read your list will think you are the most awesome person in the world for those five minutes, but will probably never speak to you ever again because they have nothing to left to talk about… in spite of the fact that you had never opened your mouth to them.

8. One of the main problems with lists is that there is some sort of order. In most cases, the first few items of the list will hold great importance and every subsequent item will be less important than the previous one. Hence, as you progress through the blog, it gets more and more boring.

9. It is also human instinct to scan through a list for key words, most likely your name. And I’m sure you wouldn’t be happy to read through someone’s list and find your name vaguely mentioned all the way at no.25.

10. Speaking of people, tagging in these ‘25 lists’ is the new route of all evil, replacing the infamous ‘Top Friends’ of the MySpace days. ‘Top Friends’ allowed people to rank their friends in a hierarchal order. That can’t be good for social relationships. Unless of course you are no.1. If you are not ranked no.1, however, or not on the list at all one tends to feel insecure: “Oh my gosh, does X like Y more than me?” “Oh my gosh, Y isn’t even that good friends with X” “Oh my gosh, that means I’m not that good friends with X.” “Oh my gosh, my life is meaningless!”

11. Of course my thriving popularity has never left me with in such a predicament, but I can sympathise with those who have experienced such an ordeal.

12. Point no.11 was completely irrelevant.

13. Anyway, back to no.10… people can make big deals out of nothing. Tagging and top friends should not be hierarchal lists of social relationships, but some paranoid individuals out there seem to think so. Hence, it is evil.

15. Being tagged can be both a warm feeling – “Aww, that person was nice enough to tag me” – or it can leave someone with a feeling of guilt as the following dialogue will prove. “Damn, that person tagged me. Now if I don’t write my own 25 list our lifelong friendship will be ruined forever. But I can’t write one of those lists because I’m not that much of an interesting person. But what if they think that by not writing one of these lists I am subtly snubbing them? Oh no, what do I do? Oh my gosh, my life is meaningless!”

16. I skipped 14.

17. As you can see in points no.11 and no.15 some people are simply insane.

18. Points 11,12,16 and 17 were completely unnecessary.

19. So was 18… and 19 for that matter.

20. Phew, all that garble leaves me with just 6 more things to write. Here we go…

21. Probably the worst thing about ‘the 25’ is that it is an incredibly self-obsessed list. Writing your ’25 list’ is pretty much just 30 minutes spent salivating over yourself. Now, I know what you are thinking; I am a hypocrite. Sure, I concocted a band called the Kevin Hawkins Trio, subtly place self-promotions left, right and centre and made a Youtube video dedicated entirely to my personal beliefs, but at least I didn’t write one of those ’25 lists’, did I?

22. Being self-righteous is not always a bad thing, but telling the world of your amazing strengths and feats in a blog is pretty vain. Not that everyone who has written one of these lists is an arrogant prick, in fact some of the people that have written them are the most humble people I know (and gullible I might add; I bet they’ll believe that last sentence was genuinely from the heart)

23. “You’re so vain, I bet you think this song is about you, you’re so vain” – absolute genius lyrics. Analyse them for a minute and you will be in awe.

24. Actually, on second thoughts, those ‘25 lists’ blogs aren’t so bad and they do not compromise one’s value as a human being. Rather, they are just really really annoying and I wish people would do better things with their time. Or perhaps I’m at fault for reading them all… Hmm…

25. Disclaimer:. Kevin does not see the irony in the fact that by writing this, he is unintentionally writing one of these ’25 lists’.

Advertisements